Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i came on her dog
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
