I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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