this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize