we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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