My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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