my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
