First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
this hospital has no fireball
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
