420 ftw
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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