I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You ruined the universe
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
