she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
