Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
