best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She even gives head with a lisp.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
