I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
