Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
