All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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