I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
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Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
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How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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