don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
