I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
