i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
No subtext here. People are naked.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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