Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Four minutes until I can fart!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
