I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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