I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize