Your mouth is God's brothel.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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