I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
