Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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