whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
