Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
