If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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