He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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