Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sorry about my life...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
