Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
