just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
