did you get engaged???
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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