You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
