when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
