Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
