I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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