3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
