man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He did a backflip because drugs
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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