Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
