Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize