he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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