Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
