I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
is it fun? or sober?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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