How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
