I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
