Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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