I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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