I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
