I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
