someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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