It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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