I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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