Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
