hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
