I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
