I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
