This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
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