if i can run in heels then i can drive
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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