Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
