a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
