she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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