I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
These tits shall not be calmed
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
