okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
