i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
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There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
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Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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