thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
