just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
