I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
