1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
