I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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