we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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