There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
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I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
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Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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