Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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