I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
